


Love, Toby

by greywardenblue



Category: October Daye Series - Seanan McGuire
Genre: Families of Choice, Fluff and Angst, Gen, platonic i love yous
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:20:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 3,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26915020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greywardenblue/pseuds/greywardenblue
Summary: October used to think she was alone. They keep proving her wrong.Or, this was meant to be a series of fluffy oneshots about Toby telling everyone she loves them, but most of them turned out to be kinda bittersweet instead.
Relationships: Gillian Daye Marks & October "Toby" Daye, October "Toby" Daye & Connor O'Dell, October "Toby" Daye & Quentin Sollys, October "Toby" Daye & Raj, October "Toby" Daye & Simon Torquill, October "Toby" Daye/Tybalt, Walther Davies & October "Toby" Daye
Comments: 92
Kudos: 27





	1. Quentin

_ 2010, December _

“Have you ever dated a human?”

Toby looked up in surprise. She’d somehow assumed her ill-fated romance with Cliff and the tragic loss of her daughter would be common knowledge, but - no, perhaps the rumours had not reached Quentin yet.

“I almost married one,” she said.

Quentin sighed loudly and rummaged around in his bag of chips to find any last remains. “Why do any of us think it’s a good idea? What right do we have to just… mess up their lives like that?”

Normally, Toby would have been offended, but she knew where Quentin’s angst came from. Losing Katie must still have been fresh in his mind.

“Okay, listen,” she said, taking the empty bag. Quentin made a sound of protest, but didn’t stop her. “This is your first heartbreak. You’re young, so it likely won’t be the last one. But that doesn’t mean it’s always going to be like this. Believe it or not, getting kidnapped by crazy Firstborn is not actually a common experience.”

Quentin let out another loud sigh and leaned against her side, closing his eyes. Neither of them were paying attention to the TV anymore. “It’s pretty horrible, for an experience.” Toby quietly agreed. 

“Maybe you should try dating fae teens for now,” she said. “You’ll still have a lot of time to wonder about the ethics of playing faerie bride. But it _ is _ good that you’re wondering about it. Too many think humans are little more than entertainment.”

“They don’t sound like very nice people,” Quentin mumbled into her shoulder.

Toby smiled and pressed a kiss to his head, ignoring his sound of protest. This must be what having teenage kids feels like, she thought absently. “And that’s why I love you so much.”


	2. Raj

_2012, June_

When Toby turned around, there was a russet-haired boy hovering in the doorway, very obviously not looking at her. She swallowed back a shout and took a deep breath to calm her racing heartbeat.

“Hi, Raj,” she said. He didn’t answer, and he didn’t look at her, either. That was unnerving. “Are you mad at me?” she asked quietly.

Raj’s head snapped towards her, his eyes wide - and suspiciously shiny. “What?” he asked harshly. “Why would I be mad at _you_?”

 _Because we killed your father_? But Samson had nearly killed her, and worse, he’d nearly killed Tybalt, so that didn’t feel like the right thing to say.

“Are _you_ mad at me?” Raj asked, his voice somewhat shaky.

Toby stared. “What? No, of course not. Why would I be mad at you?”

Raj made a sound halfway between a meow and something a human would do, and when he leaned slightly forward, she took it as permission to close the distance between them and pull him against her chest, his head on her shoulder.

“Because I tried to… I tried to…” Raj’s fingers curled into her shirt, his claws poking at her.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Toby said. “None of it was your fault. Of course I’m not mad at you. Did your uncle say he was mad at you? I’m going to fight him.” And she meant it, too. She may have been scared of Tybalt once, but things were different now - and even back then, she would have fought him for a child she claimed as hers.

Raj let out a choked sound that may have been a laugh. “No. He said he’s not mad.” There was silence before he added, desperately, “But I don’t understand _why_. I don’t understand _how_.”

Toby took a deep breath, her hand caressing Raj’s back. It was a relief to hear, again, that Tybalt wouldn’t disappoint her. Maybe she would allow herself to start getting used to that.

“Listen to me,” she said. “Your uncle loves you. _I_ love you. We went all the way to Annwn for you, and we would do it again, every time. Do you understand? We’ll always bring you home.” She briefly wondered what Tybalt would think about her making promises on his behalf, but in this particular case, she didn’t think he’d mind.

Raj didn’t answer, but he didn’t pull away from her either. Toby held him quietly in her arms until he spoke again. “Are you and my uncle finally a couple now?”

Toby belatedly realized that she did make it sound like that. “What? No, I meant… in a platonic way…” Raj pulled back enough to look at her incredulously, and she corrected herself. “Can I get back to you on this? After I have talked to him about it.”

Raj snorted. “So, in another ten years?”

“Hey!” Toby hit his shoulder playfully, and he rolled his eyes. “Did he… say something about me?” she asked, knowing fully well that she sounded like a teenager with a crush.

“You mean you haven’t heard the sonnet about the colour of your eyes?”

Toby squeaked. “My eyes don’t even have a colour! They are colourless gray!”

Raj sighed. “Yes. Like the London fog. It’s his favourite colour.”

Toby considered that for a moment. “... Is there really a sonnet? You weren’t joking?”

The boy’s face was unreadable. “My monarch has forbidden me to answer that question.” He glanced away, avoiding her eyes again. “I’d better get home, anyway. There’s… a lot to do.” His tone turned serious by the end, and Toby nodded in understanding.

“Alright. You can come back anytime. And… Raj?” He paused in the doorway and turned back to look at her. “Tell your uncle I’m waiting, okay?”

Raj nodded, then a smirk appeared on his face. “What a role reversal.”

Toby threw a pillow at him, and she could still hear his laugh as he disappeared.


	3. Connor #1

_ 2012, June _

“My father has a grave, you know,” Toby said to the ocean. “I visit him every Christmas. I know he can’t hear me. Of course he can’t. But it’s a place to go. It’s somewhere to sit down, something to talk to. And I know that some part of him is there, even if it’s not the part that counts.” She picked up a pebble, turning it around in her hand. “I suppose the closest thing would be your nighthaunt, but that’s not the same. He’s not you any more than May is me, which is not a lot.”

She dropped the pebble with one hand and caught it with the other, then repeated the motion the other way around. It was something to do. “I went on a date with Tybalt yesterday,” she blurted out. “We nearly got poisoned. That wasn’t his fault, though. Still, I had fun.” She was silent for a while, but the waves didn’t hurry her. “I think I was in love with both of you,” she said. “And I didn’t want to admit it, and that wasn’t really fair to you. If you were still here, I don’t know what I’d do. But you’re not, are you?” She shook her head and made a fist around the pebble. “I love you, Connor. But I need to let you go. I already did, mostly, but I…”

Toby took a deep breath, then got up from where she was sitting and walked closer to the waves. She held the pebble in her hand for a little longer, then dropped it in the water. “Goodbye,” she said. “Goodbye, Connor.”


	4. Walther

_ 2013, July _

“Toby, do you have any idea what time it is?”

“Uh…” Toby glanced around for a clock, then realized the only thing showing the time would be her phone. Which she was using. “Sometime after noon?”

“Exactly,” Walther said, exasperated.

Toby made a face. “Listen, I’m really sorry to wake you, but this is important. We have encountered an unknown poison, and we need to know more about it to be able to counter it.”

There was some rustling on the other side of the phone, but no answer.

“Walther?” Toby tried.

“You’re so lucky I love you,” Walther murmured into the phone.

Toby let out a surprised laugh. “I love you too.” Tybalt raised an eyebrow at her, and she shrugged. “So, about the poison…”

“I’m getting dressed, Toby. Can you and Tybalt pick me up from home in… fifteen minutes? It would take me longer to get to the lab, and I need my equipment.”

“We’ll be there,” Toby said. “One of these days, you really should come over for dinner.”

“Who’s cooking?” Walther asked, suspicious.

Toby rolled her eyes. “Surprisingly, Tybalt. Sometimes Jazz. Or we order pizza. Sometimes May and I cook together and balance each other out.”

“Right. I’m not sure which one of those I want to be invited over for. Maybe the pizza?”

Toby smiled. “We’ll be there in fifteen.” She hung up.


	5. Simon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note that this chapter takes place some months after A Killing Frost.

_ 2015 _

It had been some time since their last visit together, but Miguel’s face brightened when they entered all the same. Simon’s nervous fidgeting stopped at the man’s enthusiastic greeting, and Toby watched his reaction with a grin. Forgiveness was one thing, but she knew she wasn’t the only one to appreciate someone who only ever knew Simon in a positive context.

“I asked your daughter about you, she said you were out of town,” Miguel said in English, likely for Toby’s benefit - her regular visits revealed that she didn’t speak a word of Spanish.

Simon glanced sideways at Toby, maybe to check for her reaction, too. “Yes, I’ve been… going through some hard times, but things are going better now. And I brought my other daughter, too.” August was Simon’s eldest, but in their human disguises, she looked several years younger than Toby. That was fine, but it made referring to them by ‘older’ or ‘younger’ a little awkward.

The two men entered into an excited conversation that touched on August as well as Miguel’s own relatives, and Toby wondered when they were going to pull out the childhood pictures to compare. When their food was ready, she waved Quentin over.

“We’ll bring the trays to the others, you two go on talking if you want,” she said, then kissed Simon on the cheek. “Love you, Dad.”

Simon inhaled sharply and looked at her in such awe that she turned and scurried away before he could say anything back. Quentin was quietly smiling to himself, and nobody else at their table seemed to notice anything was amiss, not even as Toby was trying to make sense of her own emotions.

Simon had told her once that he had two mothers, one human and one fae. When he walked back to the table, Toby smiled at him shyly, and quietly noted that they had a lot in common.


	6. Quentin (& Raj) #2

_2014, December_

Quentin was lying on the couch with Raj in cat form sprawled out over his legs.

“Doing okay, boys?” Toby asked as she passed through. Quentin mumbled something in response, and Toby stopped to take a better look at him. He was definitely pouting. Toby changed her course and walked to the couch, then moved Quentin’s legs so she could sit down. “Hey. What’s up?”

Quentin shrugged, his eyes fixed on the screen. “Just thinking.”

“Okay.” Toby waited for a few moments before trying again. “Thinking about what?”

Quentin sighed and set the phone aside, opting for staring at the ceiling instead. “It’s nice that you know about my parents now. And that you always get in trouble. At least with the conclave and all, I see them every couple of years.”

Oh.

Toby thought carefully about what to say, but Quentin continued before she figured it out.

“I mean, I love all of you. I know you built a family here, and it’s great. I love May and Jazz, and you, and Tybalt’s okay, I guess. But it’s not the same, you know? When I was sent here by my parents, the Duke took me in, but he was barely there. Then once the Duchess and their daughter came back, they were sort of a foster family, but not really. I was so glad to meet you.” Quentin’s voice went quieter, the next part barely audible. “You needed a teenage kid, and I guess I needed a mother.”

Toby leaned forward and grabbed Quentin’s shoulders, pulling him up until he was sitting next to her. Raj complained loudly, but he rearranged himself to still be in Quentin’s lap, with one of his paws now resting on Toby’s knee. “You were my first friend out of all of them,” Toby said quietly while Quentin settled against her side. “Before May even existed, when I still thought Tybalt hated me. I wouldn’t be here without you, not the same way.”

“I don’t even know where I’m going with this,” Quentin mumbled. “It’s just… everything. I haven’t seen my parents in months. I haven’t seen my sister in _years_. The Torquills never felt like family the same way, but they’re supposed to be my foster parents, and now they won’t even let me…”

Toby squeezed his shoulder quietly. The Torquills were family to her, so it was easy to focus on her own grief, but Quentin was kicked out just the same, for somebody else’s perceived crimes. That made her so much angrier at Luna and Sylvester than her own mistreatment did.

“I guess I’m older now,” Quentin continued. “So I don’t really need parents as much.”

“Can I tell you a secret?” Toby asked. Quentin nodded. “I passed half a century a while ago…”

Quentin snorted. “A _while_?”

Toby rolled her eyes. “That wasn’t the secret! Would you shush?” Quentin laughed and gestured at her to continue. “What I’m saying is… I’m definitely an adult. But I’m still kind of excited about having a dad.” It might have been the first time she said it out loud like that. “I don’t know where this will all go. We have… a pretty checkered past, and I doubt Sylvester will appreciate the turn of events. I called Sylvester my uncle all my life, but he never told me how right I was…” Toby shook her head. This wasn’t about Sylvester. It was maybe about Simon, but mostly, it was about Quentin. 

And of course, she couldn’t forget the silent participant of the conversation, who said nothing but no doubt listened to every word.

“Adults need parents too,” Toby said finally. “Believe that. And so do surly teenagers who think they’re so grown up, and so do Kings, whether of cats or otherwise.” Raj flicked his ears, but he still didn’t say anything. “And it’s okay…” Toby hesitated, but she pushed on, for herself as much as for them. “It’s okay to have several people you consider parents. That doesn’t override your original parents.” She paused again, while scratching between Raj’s ears. “But it _can_ , if you want to. For example, if one of your parents happened to be a total asshole.”

“Subtle,” Quentin murmured with a smile.

“Yeah.” They sat in silence for a few moments. “Listen, Quentin. We both know there will be a day when your parents come to pick you up. But you can’t get rid of me now. You’ll always be my kids, okay? My love isn’t conditional.” She thought they needed to hear that. She would have loved to hear it from someone, too.

Quentin nodded silently and rested his head on her shoulder. Raj stretched lazily, then started purring quietly, his head on Toby’s hand, and with Quentin’s hand petting his back.


	7. Tybalt

_2013, April_

It was an hour before closing time, and the store was near empty. Toby leant on the shopping cart and watched Tybalt trying to choose between the frozen meats with a smile on her face. It was about the least romantic setting in the world, and yet.

Tybalt glanced up and saw her looking. “Penny for your thoughts?” he said in a low voice.

“Remember when you pretended to be my boyfriend to throw the police off my trail?” she asked.

He laughed. “I do remember.”

“He was asking me what I had been doing in Fremont, and I was sweating in the hallway trying to figure out what to say, and you just came out of the kitchen and said, ‘she was picking me up from the station so I’d be home in time for dinner for once’.” She held her hand out for a handshake, mimicking Tybalt. “‘Rand Stratford, the boyfriend. May I get you some coffee? The living room’s a bit of a mess, we weren’t expecting company.’ And then he apologized profusely for disturbing our evening.” Tybalt put his choice into the cart and listened intently. Toby pulled her hand back. “You said it so casually, you made me wish it had been true.”

He walked around the cart and pulled her into his arms, and she went willingly. “It became true soon enough.”

Toby nodded once, then leant forward to press their lips together. “I love you,” she whispered into the space between them. 

“I do love nothing in the world so well as you,” Tybalt whispered back. Maybe it wasn’t polite to kiss in the middle of a grocery store, but it’s not like there was anybody around to complain.

“For the love of everything, can’t you go ten minutes without making out? We’re in a _grocery store_.”

Hardly anyone.

Raj rolled his eyes and dropped two boxes of cereal into the cart. “If you’re going to be like this, I’ll just go home.”

Tybalt laughed again, and Toby pretended to be really busy with the cart to hide her blush. “Well, I think that’s everything! Let’s go check out.” 

She walked away first, her cats quietly bickering behind her.


	8. Gillian

_ post-2014 future _

Toby was sitting at the kitchen table with a book, waiting for Tybalt to come home so they could go to sleep when Gillian wandered downstairs in her pajamas. She waved sleepily and Toby waved back, watching with a smile as Gilly got her bowl and milk out like it was already familiar.

“Huh,” Gilly said. “You have way too many cereal boxes.”

Toby nodded. “Everyone has a different favourite.”

Gilly held up a box. “Whose favourite is this?”

“I… thought it was yours,” Toby admitted carefully.

Gilly stared at the box, then nodded. “It is, I just didn’t think… anyway. Yeah. I like this one.”

She went back to making herself breakfast and Toby watched her, remembering the grocery store run with Quentin the previous day. She had picked up her daughter’s favourite breakfast cereal, because her daughter sometimes spent her nights at the house and had breakfast here. It was a mundane thing, something that might have been insignificant in other families, but for her, it couldn’t have been more significant.

Gillian sat down at the table, putting her phone right next to her bowl and the cereal bottle, and Toby leaned over to kiss the top of her head. 

“I love you, baby,” she said. Gillian hummed in response, but didn’t say anything. That stung a little, and Toby returned to her book to hide it.

There was silence, except for the turning of the page and the clink of the spoon against the bowl.

“At lunchtime I bought a huge orange,” Gillian said after a while. Toby looked at her in confusion until she realised the girl was reading something out from her phone. “The size of it made us all laugh. I peeled it and shared it with Robert and Dave - they got quarters and I had a half. And that orange, it made me so happy, as ordinary things often do just lately. The shopping. A walk in the park. This is peace and contentment. It’s new.”

Toby listened to Gillian’s soft voice reading the poem, and while she didn’t know what it was, she could feel the peace it talked about.

“The rest of the day was quite easy,” Gillian continued. “I did all the jobs on my list and enjoyed them and had some time over.” She paused for a moment, and then-- “I love you. I’m glad I exist.” Gillian finished reading and set the phone aside, avoiding Toby’s eyes.

Toby smiled hesitantly. “What was that?” she asked.

“The Orange, by Wendy Cope.”

“It’s very pretty.”

Gillian nodded. She still wasn’t looking at Toby, but she had a small smile on her face. “Yeah. It is.” The silence continued, but it felt comfortable this time.

Tybalt stepped out of the shadows and smiled at the sight of them. “Good morning, Gillian. Are you staying around?”

“No, I’m heading out soon. I’m just gonna have breakfast and take a shower, then I’m going for a swim with Diva and the others.”

“You can invite Diva and your friends here anytime, you know,” Toby said.

Gillian shrugged uncomfortably. “Yeah, I know, but… well, they know you’re friends with the sea witch, and most of them are still a little hurt about the Annie thing? They were angry at me first, but they got over it quicker because I’m one of them.”

Toby flinched. She didn’t think of that, but it couldn’t have been easy for the Luidaeg either. Toby decided to call her after she woke up.

“Still, if they want to come, the door is open.”

“I know,” Gillian said. She had finished her cereal and put the bowl in the sink. “Well, I’m off to shower. Have a good sleep, you two.”

Toby smiled, then took Tybalt’s hand, who was already pulling her upstairs. “Have a good day, Gilly.”

**Author's Note:**

> Several years ago, I read Love, Shepard by vaguelyremarkable and it was a formative experience. This fic is unofficially dedicated to them. (Unofficially because they never responded to my message, and it might be weird to just randomly tag them.)


End file.
